Dead letters

By: Kali Lamparelli
Posted In: Opinion

On this particular morning, I bend my knees, spring and fall into the cold ocean. The salt consumes my body-stinging the cuts that have outlined my life and at once heal them. I want to feel my life-the gift of it. Lately, I have gone numb in a world of boredom and increased loneliness. Perhaps it is the season of winter, the weekly loss that litters the papers-litters the lives of those around me.

Walking un-does inner chaos and leads to joy, to healing. Everyday, I awaken and take a walk. Each step un-does some pain formed within. I walk to school, step after step. I gain my bearings; gain the gift of feeling my life through the minutes I walk to the gift that is education. How lucky am I that I get to use my legs each and everyday? I feel the pain and joy in each step I take as my muscles burn in the middle of walking up hill. On rainy days I get to feel the rain soak my skin. I get to have the gift of feeling nature in my bones. I get to wonder over the various parts of my existence as I pass familiar trees, some with carvings and some without.

I pass other peoples lives and say good morning or good afternoon. I get to have my voice heard by the unfamiliar each day. Each day, in each step, in each walk I take there are gifts that unwrap themselves right in front of me. Sometimes I even bump into my best friends in local coffee places and I get to discover their life as they lead it in the mornings before their classes.

I get joy out of existing without plans. I have a planner full of appointments and things that in some way must be done but I take my time to get to them. I take my time arriving. I never know if it will rain or if it will be an unusually warm or cold day. I never know if my muscles will be too sore or my body too tired to take those steps to the journey of the day. I have no idea if the same older gentleman will be walking down the street. I have met people on benches who have profoundly changed my life. I have walked into trees and caused families to laugh. I have had the deepest and most profoundly moving conversations with my mother and have come to an understanding about other people’s lives in relation to my own. I have let music take over my soul and bumped into lost friends in the middle of the night in a random supermarket aisle catching up by the granola bars. I have been waved at in an honest and joyful manner by children on their way to school. Children exist in a land and in a moment that is so free. I have learned a lot from the bounce of their steps and the appreciation of someone waving back. Some mornings the only time I hear my voice echo is when a child screeches a joyful hello my way. Perhaps it is because like me, they too are small and I am visible to them.

Even when things seems unbearable I gain pleasure in knowing that wherever my feet command me to go, wherever my heart desires, the walk will keep me balanced, the walk will help me arrive at the destiny of my life. The beauty and the gift of living life is the mystery in the unknown of each day.