Have you ever asked someone this question…”May I Kiss You?”

By: Amy Saramago
Posted In: News

We have all experienced that nervous anxious feeling as you approach your door at the end of a good date, palms sweating, wondering if you’ll receive the elusive good night kiss or if you should attempt to make a ‘seal the deal’ trying your hardest to read your date’s mind. As you continue to wait for some kind of signal to tell you the moment is right, you think nothing in the world could be more awkward then this situation you are in right now, imagining your date rejecting your kiss.

If you attended Michael Domitrz’s May I Kiss You? presentation last Wednesday Oct. 22, then you would have learned useful, yet funny advice about dating, sex, relationships and how to make the previous situation a bit less awkward. Domitrz is a national speaker who has toured college and high school campuses for over a decade with his presentation based on his book “May I Kiss You”. This presentation is an hour program that takes a candid look into dating and sexual assault issues. The program and his teachings in general take a new twist on the old “did she say no?” technique used by most people to identify sexual assault, instead Domitrz wants people to change that perception by asking the vital question of “did you ask?”

“I really wanted to write this book to help open minds to a more respectful way of dating for today’s youth,” said Domitrz. “I want this presentation to inspire healthier and safer views on dating, but also to remind people that dating is fun.” Domitrz became closely involved in these youth dating issues after his sister was the victim of a sexual crime in 1989.

Domitrz starts his presentation by asking for two volunteers from the audience to do some role playing with him on stage. Through the use of his volunteers, he shows the typical first date situation and how intimidating the whole first kiss situation can be for couples. His offered solution is for a person to first ask their partner if they can kiss them, therefore showing the partner respect and knowing the situation is consensual, not a one sided desire that might be offended or unwanted by the other party.

However, Domitrz understands that many people before seeing his presentation would laugh at that advice he offered while bringing up several reasons why they would never ask someone for a kiss. One of the first things students serve as an excuse for not implementing the “May I Kiss You?” technique is that you just know when the person wants to be kissed. They might give you “the look”, and if you asked it would be weird and ruin the mood. For Domitrz this kind of thinking makes no sense if you think about the implications and positive effects asking for kisses or anything else sexual in a relationship provides for both partners.

First, asking shows your partner you respect him or her, and especially for female partners, we enjoy feeling special and would love for a guy to show he cares about us and pull out a movie like moment when he asks before kissing. This display of feelings and respect melts our hearts more than anything else and helps dispel any doubts about ‘does he like me?’ because we’ll know what he’s thinking.

Second off Domitrz explains most people don’t ask because they are afraid of rejection, but he says the situation is better when you ask. If you don’t ask, not only are you violating the other person, it will be more awkward when he of she pulls away, gives you the cheek, pushes you off, or yells ‘no’ in your face instead of getting a polite no. Domitrz shows through his role play an example of how to play it cool when you did get rejected by saying things like, “You know what, I’m glad I asked you then because I wouldn’t want to do anything to make you feel uncomfortable.” As a woman trust me, this guy might not have got the first kiss, but a statement like that could change his luck completely or allow them to still be friends without any weirdness.

The rest of his show went through other situations and problems about dating, sexuality and sexual assault with the same humor when appropriate while getting the importance of his message out. Domitrz’s program was so well received that in 1992 he was recognized as “One of the Top 10 Collegiate Entrepreneurs” in America. In 1996, he was awarded the honor of being “One of the Outstanding Young Men in America.”

Domitrz explains at the end of his presentation the three things he wants the audience to try and do when they leave. He urges everyone give his ideas a chance. Give his ideas a shot. When I first saw this program three years ago, I tried goal number three. It changed my perspective. His three goals are as follows.

1) Ask “May I Kiss You?”

2) Be a friend. If you are at a party and a guy is feeding a girl drinks to take advantage of her, you know the possibility of sexual assault is going to be high. Don’t just watch saying it’s not your business stepping in. Intervene.

3) Call or talk to at least one person who is very important to you in your life and let them know if they have ever been sexual assaulted or if something happens in the future, you are there for them. Then make sure you are.