Manors and Manners

By: Maria Genovese
Posted In: Opinion

Manners have escaped us. In a society that likes to call itself “advanced,” our social conduct has deteriorated to a most basic level. Our love for taking the easy way out is constantly expanding, and the only choice etiquette had was to make a run for it, or perish.

Fortunately it did not choose to die and become a martyr for the way civilized people used to behave. Etiquette is still alive, but it is in hiding, and it will take effort that we as a society have come to disdain if we wish to get it back. But what other choice do we have?

Continue to chase it away until there are no standards at all, until the simple words “please” and “thank-you” have joined their ancestors in their hidden lair? No. We must persuade manners to return to us and persuade ourselves to care about the way we behave.

I am proud to announce that we can begin this process today, for yours truly has discovered the hiding-place of neglected etiquette. It is lonely and frustrated and waiting to be retrieved.inside of the Newport Mansions. The Breakers, The Elms, Marble House, Rosecliff, Chateau-Sur-Mer, Kingscote, the Isaac Bell House, Hunter House, and Chepstow. If I were on the run, I could think of no better places to take refuge (provided I too was an invisible behavioral standard). For it was during the late 19th century, when these manors were built, that.manners were built.

The Breakers is the kind of place a person can imagine, but cannot believe truly exists. The dining room alone is 2400 square feet large and is decorated in the Italian Renaissance style, complete with a marble fire place, two huge crystal chandeliers from France, and a vaulted ceiling with carved classical figures and murals. The oak table could have seated up to 34 people in red damask chairs.

These 34 people sitting down to a dinner with the Vanderbilts, who originally owned the “summer cottage,” would easily be prepared to spend two to three hours enjoying the several courses the cooks prepared for them. As they did so, they would observe the social customs that such dignified affairs merited. They would dress nicely, arrive punctually, and the men would not sit until the women had already done so.

During a meal one was not to talk with his mouth full, reach across another person’s plate to get something, play with his food, eat too fast, read, urge another guest to eat, rest his elbows on the table, or finish everything on his plate. Upon completion of the meal one was to merely express his enjoyment of it, rather than thank his hostess. It was an elegant, stately affair.

Now, imagine feeding time at Miley cafeteria. Mike McMessy hunches over his burger and swipes at the ketchup on his face with his forearm while Sally Slopbucket reaches across him to get some napkins because she spilled milk on the history textbook she’s reading. They finish every piece of food within an arm’s reach in about 8.6 minutes. Which dinner would you rather attend?

I walk past The Elms every day on my way to school, and every day I marvel at its regal fencing and sophisticated fa