Quarter-life Crisis: How to Deal

By: Amy Baldwin
Posted In: News

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Some young professionals are asking themselves that. (Hey, some baby boomers are, too.)

Another question: The pay might be more than enough to fund the sour-apple martini life, but are the long hours in cubicle hell worth it?

Their problem: the quarterlife crisis. Web sites and books document this younger version of the midlife crisis.

This so-called “crisis” is partly due to today’s 20-somethings coming of age with cell phones, the Internet, e-mail and instant messages, says Alexandra Robbins in her book “Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis.” There’s this expectation that gratification- whether it’s related to jobs or relationships- should be immediate.

But isn’t angst just part of being young?

“It is more intense now. One reason is there are more college graduates than ever before in history, which increases the sense of competition and that we have to work that much harder to distinguish ourselves,” Robbins, 28, said. (She also explained that she uses the term “crisis” in its psychological meaning: “turning point.”)

And mounting student loan obligations put college grads in a position of feeling they have to take the first job offered- or any job offered, she said.

I chatted up four Charlotte 20-somethings about their quarterlife crises- all of them dealing with how they earn their money.

And I got two experts- Robbins and Tammie Lesesne, a licensed professional counselor in Charlotte- to offer advice.

Doesn’t matter if you don’t fit the age group. It’s never a bad idea to evaluate your professional life. As one of my editors recently told me in a job-related discussion: “It’s always good to have a plan.”

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Ryan Eversole, 23

OCCUPATION: Administrative assistant for architectural/engineering firm who is studying at UNC Charlotte to be a paralegal

“CRISIS”: Not sure she’s on the right career path. “I sit in class and think, ‘Do I really know what I want to do when I grow up?'” Eversole said. But she feels obligated to make the paralegal profession work because her grandparents are paying for school.

ALEXANDRA ROBBINS (author of “Conquering Your Quarterlife Crisis”): “She should ask herself the lotto question, which is: ‘What if I won the lottery and never had to work for a salary again?’ How would you spend your time?'” (But can you really find a job shopping or working out?)

Sure, you could be a personal shopper or trainer, Robbins said. “There is this box of five acceptable careers that people hear about and know about and don’t realize there are thousands of other possibilities,” she said.

TAMMIE LESESNE, licensed professional counselor in Charlotte: Go to UNCC’s career center and talk to a counselor about dealing with others’ expectations. “Is that a life pattern for her- that she will put other people’s expectations over her own?” Lesesne said.

Andrew Kehoe, 25

OCCUPATION: Corporate development associate for WFAE-FM 90.7 FM, which means he secures programming sponsors

“CRISIS”: Looking for his passion. “I have done what everyone is expected to do- going to college to get an education and get a job. I haven’t done anything in life for myself,” said Kehoe, of Charlotte. “I want to do something different but I don’t know what or how.”

ROBBINS: Dig up artwork you made and essays you wrote as a child. “It is possible that he can find clues to his identity that got muffled over the years.”

LESESNE: “He might want to read a book called ‘Callings’ by Gregg Levoy. It is a great book for people who are really soul searching.”

Marianne Velonis, 25

OCCUPATION: Temping in marketing at a Chicago hotel while looking for a job. The Charlotte native moved to the Windy City in September. Previously worked at Chapel Hill ad agency.

“CRISIS”: Worried about having regrets later. “I am too young to settle for something I won’t be happy in,” Velonis said. “Right now, I am letting myself figure out what I really want out of my career and out of life itself.”

ROBBINS: “I totally agree with her. The 20s should be a trial and error time. A lot of 20-somethings feel they have to settle everything in their life by age 30. But if you are going to live your entire life in 10 years, what are you going to do for the next 50?”

LESESNE: Remember job bliss isn’t instant. “Sometimes you have to build up to the place you really want to be and accept it is not going to be a dream job right out of the chute.”

Taylor Smith, 28

OCCUPATION: Revenue specialist for Premier Purchasing Partners, which purchases medical equipment and supplies for hospitals

“CRISIS”: Calls herself a quarterlife crisis survivor. Hers occurred in early 2004 when she quit her investment banking job with one of Charlotte’s big banks and had no clue what she wanted to do next. She had been making great money but her life felt shallow. She worked hard and partied hard- with her co-workers, of course. But she hated the long hours that left no time for real friendships. If this is what life is about, she thought, it pretty much stinks.

SMITH’S FIX: She relaxed. Took two California vacations funded with her last banker’s bonus. Then she looked for work. Six months ago, she found her current job, which she loves.

“I feel like my small job is doing something to improve health care in our country,” she said. And she works 40 hours a week making the same base pay as she did at her previous job. So all she gave up- paycheck wise- was her bonus. But she doesn’t mind. “I have work-life balance now,” Smith said.

ROBBINS: “If you don’t take risks in your 20s then when are you going to grow? Twenty-somethings are often faced with choices that revolve around money. For some 20-somethings the money and what it can buy takes priority, but for some having time for themselves is more important.”

LESESNE: “I applaud her for giving herself permission to step back and chill and figure out what she wanted to do. We get so caught up figuring out what we want to do that we forget how to be.”

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About Alexandra Robbins’ Own Quarterlife Crisis:

Fresh out of Yale University, Robbins, who wanted to be a journalist, took the first job she was offered, which was editing a health newsletter.

She soon learned that the publication was aimed at selling vitamins, which made Robbins feel like a shill.

“If you don’t identify with what you do or feel it doesn’t reflect your identity, your self esteem can crumble,” she said.

Robbins stayed in that job for eight months. At 23, she co-authored her first book, “Quarterlife Crisis.”

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c 2005, The Charlotte Observer (Charlotte, N.C.).

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