By Ellena Sweet
Students gathered in the basement of Our Lady of Mercy Chapel on Wednesday, October 8th, for a presentation titled “Dealing with Toxic Friends,” led by Father Kris Von Maluski. The event, which was sponsored by the student-led group Mercy in Motion, sought to educate students on when and how to deal or ditch in the case of toxic friendships.
The sound of conversation and laughter filled the Mercy Center. Formed in a casual semi-circle, students sat in an array of mismatched chairs and couches, chatting through the final moments before the evening’s lecture.
At the front of this formation, next to a television reading “Toxic Friends,” sat Father Maluski, who would lead students through an hour-long lecture on handling toxic people.
Throughout his lecture, Maluski described seven types of toxic friends. The “downer” is never satisfied and always has a problem that they want to discuss.
The “chameleon” wants to fit in at all costs, while the “leech” always needs help but seldom offers it.
The “gossiper” can make people laugh, but their content is toxic. The “teaser” enjoys performing for a crowd at the expense of others.
The “I only know you when it’s convenient” friend is self-explanatory and the “I’m free at last to party” friend wants to let loose, but will rarely do so alone.
Maluski warned students against being dragged into the schemes and habits of others at the risk of becoming someone they’re not.
During his presentation, Maluski explained that friends who seem good at first might prove toxic over time. “As things go along and people let their true colors out, you start to see some things that you may or may not like about them,” said Maluski.
According to Maluski, it is at this point that a decision needs to be made: choose to invest time and energy into dealing with their toxicity or ditch.
Maluski recommended a number of ways for dealing with toxic friends, such as encouraging them to be themselves, telling them to take control of their own lives or having frank discussions with them about their behaviors.
When it comes to ditching, Maluski said that telling the truth in a non-confrontational way is always ideal. He encouraged students to be as direct as possible with toxic people.
Theresa Loell, a freshman employed at the Mercy Center, appreciated Maluski’s emphasis on sincerity. “If it’s something that you actually feel about, you should just be honest and tell the person,” said Loell.
Maluski noted that the hardest part of dealing with toxic friends is deciding how and when to deal or ditch.
He explained that, when a person brings you more stress than joy, it might be time to scrap the relationship. “Always forgive, but you have every right to cut ties,” said Maluski.
Maluski also noted the significance of his lecture during this time of year. He mentioned that students, who are likely to form relationships with anyone that will talk to them at beginning of the semester, might be reconsidering some of the friendships that they have formed.
Sophomore Julia Morisi, a member of Mercy in Motion, agreed that the lecture was helpful for freshman students who might experience a dilemma when they identify toxic friends in their lives but don’t know how to handle them. “It’s not just saying this is a problem,” said Morisi, “It’s saying this is a problem. Here’s what you can do about it. Here are good ways, here are bad ways, it’s normal and you have people to talk to.”
